The One Path

So I've decided that Buddhism is not for me, at least for now.

I fully accept what I believe to be the Hindu notion that many ways exist to reach heaven, nirvana, the tenth level, Barbelith, whatever you want to call it.  Hermann Hesse said that people who reach such heights will often say things that seem to directly conflict with the teachings of other enlightened ones, but that's only because teachings are words are concepts that cannot possibly express the whole of Truth. It's all one thing.  I believe that with all my heart.

But while the Truth might be singular, I am a flawed finite vessel.  As I've read different versions of the One Truth, I've often found myself more and more confused.  Should I be going through my day with the intention to spread joy, equanimity, compassion, and kindness, or should I strive to be unattached?  What about when I meditate?  Even though that I'm sure an enlightened being knows beyond all doubt that there is no difference between the approaches, I do not.

I recently had a conversation about the necessity of giving one's self over to a teacher.  At the time, I thought we were talking about the need for discipline and the subsuming of one's ego, but now I'm pretty sure that limits are part of that equation.  If all paths lead to the top of the mountain, the only mistake one can make is trying to take multiple paths at once, because then you are always returning to the beginning of the journey.  I'm not claiming this approach is correct for anyone other than me, and I reserve the right to change my approach when the situation dictates.  The Buddha's definitely right that if you hold fast to a fixed doctrine, you will see it fail you eventually.

But for me, now, I need to take one path and look forward to the top of the mountain, where I'll meet people who say completely different things that all mean the same.