Attachment: Why I Didn't Write Every Day

I could point out that I wrote plenty yesterday, just not for this blog.

Shoot, I just did.  Is that defensive?  Must consult ancient texts and exalted masters.

But even after I got done my stuff yesterday, I fully intended to do a blog post, because I felt like I had to.  I didn't want to, but I felt an obligation to be persistent in my practice.  I felt good about not having missed a day, and I wanted that feeling to continue.

Is that an attachment?

See, we yogis are very big on letting go of our attachments.  We value the good things in our life, but we know that everything is temporary and almost nothing is essential except walking the mindful path.  One should never compromise or let go of the mindful path.  One should be prepared to let everything else go that is not central to that path, because everything that is not central will pass away and will become a distraction at some point anyway.

I don't buy that logic in its entirety.  Some things, I will hold onto until the bitter end, no matter how bad or distracting they become, because I know in my heart they are the good and right things with which to connect myself.  Maybe that means they're not attachments at all.  I don't know.

What I do know is, I am at a crossroads in my life.  I have to give up a major attachment.  It's an attachment that has helped shape and define who I am for a long time, and for the most part it has served me well and fairly.  It has helped me walk the mindful path, most of the time.  But it isn't any more, so it's going away, and I am scared of what that means.  Now I need to define who I am in the absence of the attachment.  I think I know that who I am does not change just because my situation does, but who I am is being put to the test.  In order for me to ace that test, I need to let go.  I need to move on.

Moving on--letting go of the past--can be very, very difficult for me.

All of this was running through my mind yesterday as I sat down to write a blog entry, which I really didn't want to do, and which was going to cause me a lot of stress.  What better time to practice letting go?  With my other actions this weekend, I served the goals I set for myself with TWEDP.  I have actually done a pretty fantastic job being mindful the last week or so.  And if I skip a day of blogging because it feels like the right thing to do, it certainly doesn't mean I won't get back on the horse today.

Maybe letting go is a practice too.  If I start with the small stuff, maybe I'll get better at the big stuff.

On that note, I think I'll go pack up some more books to take to the used bookstore.  If anyone wants an old but functional gas grill, holla.