I pride myself in adult behavior.
Those of you who know me are laughing, so let me be more precise: Being an adult comes so unnaturally to me that when I DO show responsible behavior, I am very proud of myself. When I am on time for a meeting, or pay attention when a speaker is kinda boring, or avoid speeding in excess of 20 mph over the limit, I feel as if I have won a great victory over myself.
On the flip side, no part of this whole "adult" thing is more difficult to me than when what the responsible thing to do is unclear.
The Pennsylvania of Association of Student Councils has a state board meeting this weekend. I just missed my flight to go there because I have, or am just getting over, a nasty stomach virus.
On one hand, I feel very responsible. I am, without a doubt, sick. Tuesday night was an epic of stomach-churning awfulness that saw me fall asleep in pain at 5 in the morning. The last thing the board needs is me spreading the North Carolina Zombie Stomach Apocalypse Virus to all of them.
On the other hand, I feel like a complete slacker. I'm better today. I'm not in agony like yesterday, and I have a feeling that by tomorrow I'll be right as rain. So what if I can't really stand up for more than 10 minutes at a time without needing to lie down for an hour afterwards? I'M A MAN. MEN DON'T LET SICK STOP BUSINESS.
I didn't go, which I am sure was the correct decision. Now what I need to do is work on not feeling guilty all weekend. As usual, I need to read up on my Yoga Sutras. I find the practice of non-attachment to be most difficult when it involves the good things in your life. The guilt of not living up to my highest expectations of what I should be as a teacher/person/researcher/friend/state board member weighs on me, even though I know no living person can always meet his/her loftiest goals for themselves. Sometimes life gets in the way.
To my fellow board members: it kills me that I won't be with you this weekend, but I'll see you in March.
the first paragraph rings SO true for me as well. it's also very reminiscent of the hyperbole and a half blog post in which she 'CLEANS ALL THE THINGS!'... very much my life.
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