I want to move up, in the direction of my dreams and freedom and enlightenment and all of the good stuff. But the day-to-day makes getting to a higher place so hard. I can't think or write with a cold. I can't think or write when I'm so tired. I can't think or write with a 8 to 5 and teacher training and keeping up with the people I love and the five million other things that demand attention every day.
Part of the solution is to simplify, to do less. I know this. I need to clear off my plate that which does not serve me, and I am trying so hard to do so. I think I'm at the point where I'm ready to start shedding layers, and I have full confidence that if I do so more opportunities that better serve me will appear. I just need the courage to get started. I need to jump, even if I can't see the landing spot, and trust that the universe will reciprocate my gesture of good faith, catch me, and lift me up.
Boy, it's hard to think on cold medicine. Blergh.
Showing posts with label Sick posts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sick posts. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Thursday, January 12, 2012
When Responsibilities Collide
I pride myself in adult behavior.
Those of you who know me are laughing, so let me be more precise: Being an adult comes so unnaturally to me that when I DO show responsible behavior, I am very proud of myself. When I am on time for a meeting, or pay attention when a speaker is kinda boring, or avoid speeding in excess of 20 mph over the limit, I feel as if I have won a great victory over myself.
On the flip side, no part of this whole "adult" thing is more difficult to me than when what the responsible thing to do is unclear.
The Pennsylvania of Association of Student Councils has a state board meeting this weekend. I just missed my flight to go there because I have, or am just getting over, a nasty stomach virus.
On one hand, I feel very responsible. I am, without a doubt, sick. Tuesday night was an epic of stomach-churning awfulness that saw me fall asleep in pain at 5 in the morning. The last thing the board needs is me spreading the North Carolina Zombie Stomach Apocalypse Virus to all of them.
On the other hand, I feel like a complete slacker. I'm better today. I'm not in agony like yesterday, and I have a feeling that by tomorrow I'll be right as rain. So what if I can't really stand up for more than 10 minutes at a time without needing to lie down for an hour afterwards? I'M A MAN. MEN DON'T LET SICK STOP BUSINESS.
I didn't go, which I am sure was the correct decision. Now what I need to do is work on not feeling guilty all weekend. As usual, I need to read up on my Yoga Sutras. I find the practice of non-attachment to be most difficult when it involves the good things in your life. The guilt of not living up to my highest expectations of what I should be as a teacher/person/researcher/friend/state board member weighs on me, even though I know no living person can always meet his/her loftiest goals for themselves. Sometimes life gets in the way.
To my fellow board members: it kills me that I won't be with you this weekend, but I'll see you in March.
Those of you who know me are laughing, so let me be more precise: Being an adult comes so unnaturally to me that when I DO show responsible behavior, I am very proud of myself. When I am on time for a meeting, or pay attention when a speaker is kinda boring, or avoid speeding in excess of 20 mph over the limit, I feel as if I have won a great victory over myself.
On the flip side, no part of this whole "adult" thing is more difficult to me than when what the responsible thing to do is unclear.
The Pennsylvania of Association of Student Councils has a state board meeting this weekend. I just missed my flight to go there because I have, or am just getting over, a nasty stomach virus.
On one hand, I feel very responsible. I am, without a doubt, sick. Tuesday night was an epic of stomach-churning awfulness that saw me fall asleep in pain at 5 in the morning. The last thing the board needs is me spreading the North Carolina Zombie Stomach Apocalypse Virus to all of them.
On the other hand, I feel like a complete slacker. I'm better today. I'm not in agony like yesterday, and I have a feeling that by tomorrow I'll be right as rain. So what if I can't really stand up for more than 10 minutes at a time without needing to lie down for an hour afterwards? I'M A MAN. MEN DON'T LET SICK STOP BUSINESS.
I didn't go, which I am sure was the correct decision. Now what I need to do is work on not feeling guilty all weekend. As usual, I need to read up on my Yoga Sutras. I find the practice of non-attachment to be most difficult when it involves the good things in your life. The guilt of not living up to my highest expectations of what I should be as a teacher/person/researcher/friend/state board member weighs on me, even though I know no living person can always meet his/her loftiest goals for themselves. Sometimes life gets in the way.
To my fellow board members: it kills me that I won't be with you this weekend, but I'll see you in March.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
No Kinds of Love Are Better Than Others
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(That sounds dickish. I'm actually being sincere. Stupid postmodern irony complex making it hard to communicate sincerely.)
So when Allison said she was sad about the situation in our first blog post, we felt the need to clarify.
We were sad that we didn't have the opportunity to follow up with this particular young lady, but we were probably more happy that we got to meet her than anything else.
First off, when someone is attracted to you, that sh!t is awesome, right? My ego needs feeding, and so does yours.
Second, the longer I (abandons first-person plural gimmick) remain single, the more often I meet a really amazing, beautiful, drive-you-nuts alluring woman who likes me, but neither of us is in a position to pursue a relationship.
Maybe she's got one of those unfortunate "significant other" things I hear so much about.
Maybe she's still trying to get over that last unfortunate "significant other" thing I hear so much about.
Maybe I meet her in a 2.5 hour line for a cab a 2am 500 miles from NC with our grumpy friends being grumpy.
The point is, it's all good. See, the longer I stay single, the more I have gotten an appreciation from what I really need from people. I need connection. I need to feel as if I am meeting people that challenge, inspire, and touch me in one way or another. It turns out that if one is willing to roll with the limitations life puts on him, he can have fantastic, life-nurturing intimacy with more people that he could have ever dreamed.
(To any of those unfortunate "significant other" things lurking in this blog: I am talking about non-physical intimacy. Sarah hit me with a great line the other night and said that "jealousy is a bourgeois emotion." So all you dudes? Quit being bougie, dawg. Dag.)
My only worry is that this approach leads to half loving these women.
And Johnny Taylor never lied.
(That sounds dickish. I'm actually being sincere. Stupid postmodern irony complex making it hard to communicate sincerely.)
So when Allison said she was sad about the situation in our first blog post, we felt the need to clarify.
We were sad that we didn't have the opportunity to follow up with this particular young lady, but we were probably more happy that we got to meet her than anything else.
First off, when someone is attracted to you, that sh!t is awesome, right? My ego needs feeding, and so does yours.
Second, the longer I (abandons first-person plural gimmick) remain single, the more often I meet a really amazing, beautiful, drive-you-nuts alluring woman who likes me, but neither of us is in a position to pursue a relationship.
Maybe she's got one of those unfortunate "significant other" things I hear so much about.
Maybe she's still trying to get over that last unfortunate "significant other" thing I hear so much about.
Maybe I meet her in a 2.5 hour line for a cab a 2am 500 miles from NC with our grumpy friends being grumpy.
The point is, it's all good. See, the longer I stay single, the more I have gotten an appreciation from what I really need from people. I need connection. I need to feel as if I am meeting people that challenge, inspire, and touch me in one way or another. It turns out that if one is willing to roll with the limitations life puts on him, he can have fantastic, life-nurturing intimacy with more people that he could have ever dreamed.
My only worry is that this approach leads to half loving these women.
And Johnny Taylor never lied.
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