Making the Apocalypse Work for You

Even in the Last Year, the question remains unchanged. How can you benefit from the End of the World? The prudent investor will ignore the temptation to treat December 22nd as an anomaly. Rational economic behavior has always carried the day, even in the worst times. The Apocalypse is no different.

Personally, we plan to stop paying for things, and we urge you to do the same. However, if you just stop paying your credit card bill this month, you both maximize the likelihood that you're going to spend December 22nd in jail and minimize the fun you'll have in the meantime.

Start small. Leave nine percent of your next credit card bill unpaid and gradually escalate the unpaid amount through the next 11 months. One of the key tenants of any sound plan for the Apocalypse must be to throw credit agencies, law enforcement, and other small-minded forces off the scent for as long as possible. For that reason, you should not quit your job until July 15th or stop payment of your rent or mortgage until September 1st. Failure to observe these dates may result in incarceration or the lack of sufficient funding for doing whatever the f### you want for as long as possible, which may be even worse than the pokie.

On the other hand, the prudent investor must avoid attacks of guilt that may increase the likelihood of plan failure. Your sound long-term plan should be built on the assumption that other investors will follow a similar strategy. Should all investors pursue a strategy that maximizes their utility, they will increase the chances of some sort of apocalypse before the beginning of the 2013 fiscal year, be it financial, locust related, or other. For these reasons, the job quitting and deadbeat becoming are absolutely key parts of this plan. As always, those investors most committed to their plan will reap the largest rewards.