My Dreams v. The Dark Knight Returns

This was my dream last night:

Somehow, the Joker seemed to be killing people in the dream realm. I, as batman, could only get to where he was causing a ruckus through dreams, as could my father. Once we got there we found that the Joker had done some diabolical shit and gotten away, but he had left clues and the cure for the Joker Virus in an old car. He also left clear instructions that the only way to get to the second part of the adventure was to play through the Batman video game on the PS3 in the beater. One of the things you could do in the video game was gain a bunch of different weapons through mastering the hammer throw, including a Green Lantern ring.

Apparently I did what I needed to do, because it flashed forward to the second part, which was entirely nautically based. The Joker was terrifying people on the beaches along the coast, because he had gained Aquaman-like powers. I/Batman managed to catch him at one point by firing a grappling line horizontally, hitting a big pier, and pulling myself through the water at high speed, grabbing him on the way by. The Joker wasn't too put out by this, though, because somehow he lassoed me when I got on the pier so I couldn't get away. I was above him, but he was climbing up towards me and it was clear he could easily overpower me, but that wasn't his plan.

His plan turned out to be, there was a cruise ship right by the pier with a bunch of people with high powered rifles. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, it turned out he had planned the whole thing so that a giant submarine breached and smashed up the pier and the cruise ship. The waves/tide pushed everybody into a canal, which was lined with more dudes with high powered rifles. I remember calculating that there was like a one percent chance that someone could swim by those riflemen without getting shot at such close range, and sure enough I did get shot twice, because I wasn't batman any more, just Bryan. 

But I did survive to advance to part 3 of the dream, where people started getting washed up in this Mad Max-type setting, except it was on the beach. All of a sudden this dervish of light and evil started charging around the beach looking for stuff to kill. I tried to hide behind some old tires in the garage, but the dervish found me. Turns out it was the spirit of the Joker, and he was unkillable and all powerful. He rode me around and extended his tendrils trying to latch on to humans, from whom he could draw power to reincarnate stuff. He did that for a while and it looked like it would be really bad.

Luckily, somehow we ended up on an elevator. As the elevator rose, it revealed a cat and Russell, the bassett hound. the cat turned into Batman and Russell turned into Superman. Superman flew out, grabbed the Joker, snapped his neck, and threw him to the bottom of a pool, so that the real Aquaman could handle him.

Your move, Mr. Nolan.

The Smartest Animals, featuring Phillies talk

One of the things I have learned in the first months of TWEDP is that fewer people read stuff on the weekend.  I need to get better at accounting for that fact in my writing, because the two posts I wrote this weekend are, in my opinion, among the best I've done so far.  So I'm going to cop out a bit today and ask that if you're looking to read some of that raw, uncut Shelly, check Saturday's entry about how to change the world or Sunday's entry about what Tara Stiles means for yoga.

Oh, and the Phillies signed Juan Pierre.

I'm not mad.  It's a minor league deal.  If he makes the team, he pinch runs, pinch hits when all other options are gone, and starts maybe 30 games.

Most importantly, the Phillies needed to address the scrapiness deficit facing their team and Major League Baseball.  For the Phillies, you can't just let the veteran know-how of Raul Ibanez leave and expect your team to remember how to play the right way.  Adding Pierre to the outfield rotation ensures that we have a guy who will teach all these fancy-pants high priced stars how to run hard and put their pants on one leg at a time.  The Phillies have also done a great service to Major League Baseball and BBWWA, which is reeling after the loss of its sweet, sweet prince.

Whatever.  You don't care about that, and neither does Takao.  You're just waiting for me to link to the greatest Fire Joe Morgan post in history.

Wish granted.

Dolphins on the Delaware, y'all!!